Should I stay or should I go now?

It_s not faithin technology.It_s faithin people


My husband and I are working in separate cities at least until the end of June, but quite possibly until the end of August. My day shift contract is up in Tucson at the end of June. Tucson really clears out in summer because it’s so hot and most of the snowbirds go home so I don’t take this personally.  I’ve discussed an extension with my manager, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to offer me an extension yet. He said he would probably be able to offer a contract for night shift, which I have told my husband I’ll never work again. However, it’s a 15% hourly pay raise to go to nights, and if my husband is working in southern California it doesn’t really matter whether I work days or nights. But we’ve also discussed my giving up nursing and just following my husband wherever his job takes him and finding a job in that area. We wouldn’t move to southern California, of course, because we like to actually keep our money, but he will be put up in a hotel for the duration of his stay and I could just stay with him until they no longer need him in Cali. We were planning on leaving Tucson at the end of August anyway, so we can go back to North Dakota for Labor Day, then harvest. I would not work as a nurse again until harvest is over, but hubby could take off an extended period and just fly back to Tucson when he needs to work. p.s. He works for an airline so we can fly for free, and our landlord is happy to have us another two months, and even took $340/month off our rent if we stay until the end of August. So what do we do? 

Do I extend my contract and work nights until the end of August?
Does hubby come back to Tucson at the end of June and go back to work two days/week?
Does hubby stay in SoCal as long as possible and make lots of overtime and per diem and hotel points?
Do I quit my job and just go stay with hubby until they no longer need him in SoCal?
Do I take an extension and work night stretches (6 days on, 8 days off) and just go travel on my days off, even if my husband may not be able to? Obviously I can go see hubby on those days off, or go see other people.
Money vs. Time vs. Being Together

& Respond

The fact that you have all of these different options with the freedom to literally do any of them is incredible. What comes with financial freedom is just that, freedom.
Working nights is something you mentioned you would never do again. Have you taken the time to think through what this would mean again? I mean thoroughly thinking through your day to day for two months, working nights. beautiful summer nights no less? Try to remember why you felt that way. How did it make you feel? Were you your best self? Did you struggle in another area of your life? Was it worth it?
A pay raise is a nice incentive, but is it really worth it?
As we continue to grow as adults we learn we want and don’t want. I’m reminded of this myself this week as I made a decision of my own. One that feels selfish to do what I want, knowing I’m not doing what others want. But I’m okay with that. I’m tired of doing things just to make other people happy. It doesn’t work and honestly, they don’t care half as much as you do.
How does your husband feel? What does he want? Better yet, what do you want?
I’m asking a lot of questions knowing you will only answer them to yourself. But that is the goal, right? To ask yourself the questions in effort to find your own clarity.
At the end of the day, you are the one that will need to evaluate what’s most important to you. Do you and your husband have a goal for this year? A special trip this extension away from each other will provide for? Or, is there a special project/experience you can work toward if you were to go to California? Since I know you and your ‘side hustle’ I know you have plenty to do while enjoying beautiful SoCal. Maybe this is the time you need to really dedicate toward your personal business goals.
Consider if you work more or he works more, who will accomplish more on each others downtime?
Plus, while in California, could you pick up a short-term part-time job to keep the inspiration flowing, the conversations affluent? Hello coffee shop. Floral shop. Or just put up a table tent in front of your laptop at coffee shop and offer your budgeting services. I can already see the stories that would come from this experiment. Yes, you can bring your up-cycled paper cup.
Whatever you decide, follow your gut. My gut says you should be together, wherever that is. In my opinion, the value of being together is worth way more than a 15% raise and working nights doesn’t sound like something that would make you happy. Follow your dreams and reach for your goals. You’ve got this.

If you’re willing to share your story, question, or whatever it may be with me, please send me an e-mail with your question or if you prefer to remain anonymous with me, you can fill out this anonymous survey and I’ll do my best to feature it on blog.

You can ask about parenting, work, relationships, deep thoughts and more. The intent is for you to share and to open yourself up to begin a positive supportive community of dialogue. I cannot (will not) provide you with your solution, but hopefully by talking through the situation, it will help provide you with a different perspective from your own.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.



One Reply to “Should I stay or should I go now?”

  1. I love hearing from an outside, unbiased opinion, and thanks for getting back to me. In the end we decided we’ve been away from each other enough. My husband is coming home and I extended my contract another 8 weeks, instead of the usual 13. We most definitely have goals for the year, and even though I really, really, really wanted to take off to play again, I know if I work another eight weeks I’ll be able to max out my 401k, and I’m nearly certain that will get our investments to a point we’ll never have to contribute to our retirement accounts again in order to retire with the amount of money we want. We will continue to contribute, of course, but I love thinking about not having to chase jobs with benefits. Or at all. 🙂

    I am going to work nights for a 15% pay raise, but six days on and eight days off, so really it’s like a four week extension. We are super fortunate that my husband has the ability work his schedule around mine.

    Money + Time + Being Together


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